Resentment I

Whilst I thought I had cleansed up my thoughts and made it devoid of contempt and aggression; emptiness and loneliness I created in not giving other aspects of living a life kept on creating more and more. When I thought I had finished contemplating once and for all; I discovered life’s tight grips bind me in newer more secure chains, feeding my thoughts and emotions with more questions. I find myself in a maze all of a sudden again. But this time I have clues and have my friends’ support to guide me through it. While I thought it best to keep my pains to myself, I feel that I have denied my friends comfort and support. On my part I felt denying myself the opportunity of their shelter, only after I knew that in my shunning myself out I have shut the door for them to share their pains with me. Never was that my intention. Now all together I feel that I have caught up; but at the expense of a dearest friend’s extreme sorrow and loneliness. Caught up on everything I thought possible and more; and yet I feel that I have missed too much. If I only shared all my bad times as well as my good times; all my feelings and experiences instead of keeping them to myself; I might have done good not only to me, but all of us. Once again I resent the past; I am aggressing to a higher form of understanding. New, but an easier maze to cross. I know I will cross it for sure.

Yet, somehow I know that there is much more.